high people should be assigned attendants
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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