I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
