don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
