you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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