I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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