Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You're a waste of cheezeits
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
