I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
