She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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