He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
