omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just had sex bonerless
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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