I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
