its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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