Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
