mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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