I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Girls should come with a carfax report
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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