census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
