Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
