I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
