so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
