remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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