i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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