Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
