i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
