So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
