i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
