My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
