people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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