shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
