I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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