Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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