I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
