im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Actions speak louder than pants.
Someone shattered a urinal.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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