'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Randomize
