I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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