pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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