Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
