you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
