is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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