i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
