Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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