the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
