i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I did not marry a roomba.
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