I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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