her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize