Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
They are going to name an STD after you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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