At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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