I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
