I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
