He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize