Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
