Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
