I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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