I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
