woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
