Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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