When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize