What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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