Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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