his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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