Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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