I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
