She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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