it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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