new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
