Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
