i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Too much gin, very little bucket
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
