You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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