sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
