he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
