That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
