we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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