So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
