i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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