i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
