My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
