don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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