Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
