4 words: hood of his car
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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